strong will … that word just rings “Ruffy” all the time now.
Visited Godma in the hospital earlier despite being dead tired. It’s something I wanted to do. The surgery is set for 7.30am in the morning. Aorta and something else … I can’t remember the clinical name now. Can’t imagine being in her shoes. Fear. God knows what else …
I said “See you tomorrow…” and she said “I hope so…”
I said “it’s not an option…”, remember Mt. K…
I pray she’ll be fine and she’ll pull through the 5 hour procedure.
I’ve got so much on my hands. From work to ‘domestic business’…
After letting her know my schedule for the week, I told my mum, “when your daughter plays, she plays … and when she works, she works like hell…”
She nodded. Not sure if it was in agreement, or just in acknowledgment that she heard me.
I had an understudy today in the 1st training session. She was supposed to pick up how to manage a class of 40 monkeys. Not sure if she did learn that *shrugs*
She’s an ex-SQ stewardess who’s flown with the airline for more than 10 years and now has a 20-month old baby. We were talking about how the attitude of children these days is frightening and so is the couldn’t-care-less attitude of the teachers. It just isn’t as before when we were in school. And she said she fears when her kid goes to school. I said “Thank God I do not have kids … No kids for me!” Makes me think back to my uni days when Jingling and I used to talk about how kids were not only a major financial burden but simply a burden.
Consider the use of the word “burden” in association with children and you will see the image of an old white-haired motherly figure shaking her head in disapproval at me.
My brain can’t seem to stop moving. Chugging away. I sense another sleepless night. I only had 2 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours. Not good me thinks.
One last thought : Sometimes I wonder if I’m deceiving me. Sometimes I wonder about what I will do the day someone else appears. Sometimes I just cajole myself into thinking that there’s plenty of others already in the picture so I’m always used to the idea. Sometimes I wonder if ever someone else will appear, hopefully sooner than later. Sometimes I wish I could be some microscopic organism hiding in the head, to see when the border is crossed etc. And I wonder how the circuits and switches in our heads connect or go berserk when we remind ourselves of the boundaries we set.
Time to rest my tired and still chugging brain. Time to get my lessons and clothes ready for tomorrow. I’m tired. Dead tired.
