I love sundays! It’s always so peaceful, at least for me.
A time for me to focus on what I need to do without disturbances. *wee!*
These couple of days, my mood has kinda been like the weather. Sunshine this moment, thunderstorm the next.
Just a few things really get to me though. Most people steer clear. Most do not get to see my wrath.
I often liken myself to a dormant volcano, lava bubbling just under the earth, invisible to those who don’t know me truly.
When I erupt, I E.R.U.P.T.
I’m really tired. Tired of explaining to everyone that I do not want to ‘pak tor’, ‘date’,… that I’m NOT ‘pak tor-ing’ or ‘dating’ or ‘seeing’ anyone …
Tired of people telling me I’m the one for them and they’ve been waiting for a long time or that they will wait.
This in itself sparks questions in me … if I’m the one for all these people, then really, ‘The One’ doesn’t exist, does it?
If it’s ‘The One’, then there should only be 1 person who’s ‘The One’ for each of us.
Something here just doesn’t add up, does it?
And there’s the other extreme. Those who think I love/like them. Get it right. I love ME. I love PHY.
Not anyone else.
Many in this world love living in their own version of reality. The one where they are King of the Jungle.
I must apologize for I live with my two feet planted on the ground. I say it as it is.
The truth hurts. But it’s the truth.
I’m skeptical, cynical. Jaded.
Perhaps it’s just everything that’s happening around me now.
But I really don’t want to talk about BGR.
(Well, yeah, admit it or not, all of us, deep down inside, are BOYS and GIRLS).
Even if I were to be dating someone or a few people, what’s it got to do with anyone else?
N.O.T.H.I.N.G.
Get it right.
And if one day, I decide to marry some person my family will never accept, be it a person of another race, skin color etc., I will still go ahead.
I’m no pushover. Not even with my family.
I was like that. I am still this way.
(Yes, if it means elope, which by the way, in this modern world, happens everyday … yes, I will & not bat an eyelid.)
I am, say 80-90% in tune with my head and heart. I get me right most of the time. Who knows me better than me? God only, perhaps.
So unless you consider yourself The Almighty, do not doubt me.
I know what I need. I know what I want. I know what I do not want.
Your advice means something to me when I ask for it. Or when it’s your place to give it. Otherwise, just shut it.
Everyone on this earth has their own place.
Stay in your boundaries. Do not intrude in my personal space.
I am territorial. *no kidding*
Things I do NOT want to do as of yesterday:
- go to Bintan in December
- meet people whom I meet out of the kindness of my heart
- tolerate an intrusion of personal space
- answer nonsensical questions or questions that people don’t need the answers to
And of course, there’s the defeatist attitudes of so many I know.
For crying out loud, just do away with playing the victim. You people with the defeatist attitudes are possibly the most egoistic and prideful lot.
Those who refuse to listen to others, those who curse their ‘misfortune’ and not see the good in it.
Perhaps, this is why we have a plethora of self-help books these days, and more coming up.
What happened to the ‘Can do’ attitude of our generation?
Singaporeans, all softies… Bah!
I’ll carry on with more angst another day. I need to keep the zen.
